Shattered and Whole
I file my photos in folder after after folder after folder to keep things organized. Today as I opened up Charlie and Tobin’s folder, listening to the song she told me to listen to while I edited, my heart stopped, it hurt, and it took me a few extra minutes to click the folder, to open it.
Charlie + Tobin 10.4.14.
A shoot that happened at sunrise in a bean field in Nebraska. Where Charlie held her 2nd child, her beautiful little boy Tobin.
She met me before dawn, temperatures in the 40’s, with the warmest smile I’ve ever witnessed. During the shoot she laughed, and talked, and faced the sun just like she does every single day,
Missing her baby girl Lucy.
Lucy passed away unexpectedly one night at the age of two, just 11 months back. 11 months ago today.
I can’t explain how instantly I connected with Charlie.
We both understand grief,
What it’s like to have your family ripped apart. My situation so different from hers, yet we agreed the basis of all grief is the same.
We are both still struggling almost every day the sun rises for one reason or another. We know what it's like to be raw. We also accept it.
We were shattered, but we are more whole because of it.
We are tackling grief
We are tackling losses
We are dreading the rising of the sun and embracing it all at the same time.
We are searching for light.
And we grab on to every ounce of it we can.
We both agreed October 4th was a day we both grabbed some light, and marked it down as a day of healing. The day we faced the sun together.
Charlie sent me a text right after the shoot.
“There is a truth and it’s on our side
Dawn is coming
Open your eyes
Look into the sun as the new days rise…”
It was the song I listened to today by Jose Gonzales as I clicked open her folder to edit.
I have to thank our mutual friend Laura, who is an angel that has helped both of us on our bumpy, unglamorous, raw paths of life, and made Charlie and I collide. Love you to pieces Laura.
Please check out Charlie's amazing raw and beautiful blog. You can find it here.