I'll never forget standing in my parents driveway in my worn YMCA t-shirt I stole from my little brother. I didn't know how to say goodbye. I was leaving my family, my friends,
I fell in love.
I left it all.
I cried so hard when we drove away that I couldn't catch my breath. I had never felt so homesick so instantly. I tried so hard to end the tears. I was starting a new life with my new husband,
Half way across the country.
I had never lived anywhere but Nebraska. In my bubble. In my safe place. In my home.
I was plucked from a very dark time in my life. Saved by the man that is now my ex. I will always be grateful he whisked me away, pushed my boundaries beyond any depths I could image.
But I will never forget the day I left, or the sadness I felt,
Or the anger that lives in me for him not ever understanding.
I am still trying to let go of the anger.
I felt trapped on the new coast. In the new life. I pushed and pushed for new doors to open, different ways to get back home. One foot would step thru and the same stubborn door would slam in my face.
He didn't understand my sadness and despair. He didn't want to go.
I am physically more "trapped" now than before, but also ten times more free.
Our wedding song came on the radio today. I cried alone in my car. The same tears I had streaming down my face nine years ago when I was leaving my driveway, my everything in Nebraska,
But this time I was driving home to my girls.