I remember shaking uncontrollably in pain in the darkness of my office one night a few days after I learned my life and marriage had just been flipped. The carpet underneath me felt like needles, and my whole body shook. I held the phone to my ear and cried in darkness. It was my Dad on the other end of the phone.
Today I found myself comparing pain. Pain like I experienced in that moment in the darkness and my sadness that has overcome me in the past week. And realized more than anything I was just feeling shaken and numb.
It's like my body hurt so badly at one point it won't allow me to feel that again.
I realized I now have a place I didn't know existed within myself.
It's a hard place. An empty hole that sucks things in and locks them away and in turn releases anesthetized stillness.
I had to get out today. Feel now. Just feel.
Let the wind take me and the girls through today and bring us to tomorrow.